Finished waiting for El Niño

Dear Canyon Lake Reader,

Pat Van Dyke,            Columnist, The Friday Flyer

There is something that I really have to get off my chest. I’ve been waiting and waiting for this promised event to occur, and now it seems as if it has passed us by without any concern for the residents of our “little bit of paradise.” It’s this entire “El Niño Thing!”

Just to let anyone who is interested know, I’m so finished waiting for El Niño. I have prepared for the rain so many times in the last few months. I made pea soup, stoked my fireplace, bought a jigsaw puzzle, put on my “rain clothes” (slippers, sweat shirt and yoga pants) and sat in my great room waiting for the storm to come. (I have a wonderful view of the East Bay.)

I ended up feeding my family the pea soup for three days in a row, used the jigsaw puzzle for fuel in my fireplace, and changed my rain clothes for a tailored jacket and dress slacks. I give up! We had clouds, but little rain.

As for the drought, it’s starting to bug me that I can’t do the normal things like wash the car, hose down the sidewalk, scrub the sides of the house, only water the lawn twice a week on assigned days at assigned times (6 p.m. to 6 a.m.) . . . wait!!! . . . I’ve only ever washed the car a few times. I’ve never hosed down the sidewalk or scrubbed the sides of the house. And watering the lawn? I don’t even know if we have a lawn! These are all Pastor Pete’s duties! Not mine! (Yes, before we had to conserve water, Pete scrubbed the house. He’s Dutch, you know!)

To get back to the issue at hand, I am starting to get a little upset with no rain when we were promised by every meteorologist on the entire West Coast that this will be “the El Niño Year to beat all El Niño Years!”

Perhaps this frustration of mine all stems back to the fact that as a child I was Rain Gear Deprived. Yes, I had RGD! Whenever it would rain, all of the “town kids” would come to school in their coordinated rain gear; but those of us “dairy kids” would have to jump off of the bus and run as fast as we could to our classroom while trying to keep our clothes and shoes dry.

Now, I was totally aware of proper rain gear fashion; but my mother, along with other “dairy moms,” held to the thought, “It seldom rains in Southern California, so it’s a waste of money to buy any rain gear. After all, you already have boots, a coat and a hat that you wear on the dairy so why don’t you just wear those.”

Now, Canyon Lake Reader, you must keep in mind that my boots were not those yellow shiny boots with a pattern of red and blue flowers; nor was my coat a yellow slicker with a generous hood. My ensemble was not topped off with a matching yellow umbrella adorned with Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

No, my “dairy rain gear” was a pair of red boots with black toes and heels that I wore in the pasture whenever I would herd in the cows. (Boots were a requirement on a dairy for any unexpected soft piles of “substance” that you might step in, and my boots were always covered with this “substance.”)

My raincoat was an old wool coat of my dad’s that smelled like a flock of dirty sheep whenever it rained. To complete my “fashion statement,” my hat was provided by Verhoven Feeds and provided the means for me to be a walking advertisement for that same company whenever it rained. Did I ever own an umbrella? That was a useless piece of equipment! Just run fast!

Yes, I was Rain Gear Deprived! But, CL Reader, do not despair! There is help! I will take action!

First of all, to do my part to conserve water, I plan to put a moratorium on cooking. Boiling potatoes takes water. Making spaghetti takes water. You can’t steam rice without water. I plan to do my best to help our water issues. No more boiling water or getting dishes dirty because it takes water to clean them. Hello Costco! You make it, I’ll heat it up! Then I’ll serve it on paper plates! It’s a win-win all the way around!

Secondly, a trip to Chico’s every week to check out the sale rack to see if the rain gear is properly priced is a necessity. Not only will it help with my personal issue of Rain Gear Deprivation, it will give a boost to our local economy!

And, lastly, I do think that washing windows should also be put on that list of “things you aren’t supposed to do during the drought and will never have to do again unless it rains cats and dogs for three weeks straight.” Personally, I would rather take care of a cat or dog than wash windows! Also, remind me to never again feed my family pea soup for three days in a row!

Final thought – does my family now have “proper fashionable rain gear?” I adhere to the school of thought that “It seldom rains in Southern California, so it’s a waste of money to buy rain gear.”

Until later, CL Reader. I remain,

Pat, the Prolific Part-time Philosopher