Page 11 - The Friday Flyer ● February 9, 2018

FEBRUARY 9, 2018 THE FRIDAY FLYER A-11
Will Valentine’s Day 2018 be a ‘Re-Pete?’

BY PAT VAN DYKE In football, a quarter is 15 minutes long which makes
COLUMNIST, THE FRIDAY FLYER the total amount of actual game playing an hour long.
Valentine’s Day is only a few days away. Last year PAT'S FUNNY BONE I gave halftime a gracious 30 minutes which makes the
I was very successful at dropping hints and Pastor Pete total amount of time spent on the field if the players
was very good at understanding them. He actually gave and coaches use their time properly by actually play-
me a dozen long-stemmed ing, the game could be over in 90 minutes.
red roses. Roses that weren’t I then noted that all of the players, coaches and al-
cut from his 24 rose bushes most everyone else on the field were men so I gave
that surround our home. them an additional 45 minutes to spend just making
Roses that weren’t ones that decisions. Total time expected for a game to be played:
he found in the baskets at the two hours and 15 minutes. This game was way over
99 Cent Store. He gave me two hours and 15 minutes!
actual real roses from Can- Six minutes later, I again queried about the game
yon Lake Florists. Roses that and discovered that there was now 48 seconds left.
smelled wonderful. Things were looking up I thought but was so wrong. It
So, in order to make sure took five minutes to go from 48 seconds to 42 seconds.
that the next year would be at least even, or maybe even It didn’t stop there. It took four minutes to get from
better, I knew that I had to act quickly. Once the roses 42 seconds to 26 seconds, three minutes to get from 26
began to droop, I gathered them into a small bunch, seconds to 13 seconds and two minutes to get from 13
put a rubber band around the stems, hammered a nail seconds to 9 seconds. The next time someone tells me
above the exit door in our garage and convinced him that time doesn’t stand still, I’m going to disagree. In
that I was hanging them there to dry, but I had another football, it does.
motive. It was then that I decided that I was going to use this
Because we recycle everything, I hung them above time warp to my advantage.
the door in front of our “recycling center.” That way he PHOTO BY PAT VAN DYKE I’m going to start hinting that maybe instead of stay-
would be sure to see them and realize that he had set ing home on Valentine’s Day, we should go out for din-
a precedent that had to be met or exceeded. Recently, ner, just like we used to do when we were dating 49.6
I added a few “gentle reminders” such as a sign that Pat’s Valentine’s Day “hints” hang above the exit door in the years ago but who’s counting. And I’m going to hint
says, “Will 2018 be a Re-Pete?” garage. that we go to a fancy restaurant, one with menus on
In order to assure my success, I couldn’t help but paper and not on the wall and one without the calories
remind him that “V-day” was near. It was my choice of waved away once again. I soon learned that three min- listed next to the price.
when to remind him that caused a problem. How was I utes left didn’t really mean three minutes left. Then, on Valentine’s Day when Pastor Pete tells me
supposed to know that the last minutes of a Super Bowl Nine minutes later, I returned sure that the possibil- that we are going to leave for dinner in 20 minutes, I
game was important? They had already played for over ity that the “three minutes left” time, which was now will ask for another 10 minutes to get ready. That extra
three hours so I figured that the game was pretty well nine minutes, had lapsed and the game was over. 10 minutes will be my version of halftime. Thirty min-
over. If you watch a movie the last three minutes are As I started to address the topic of possible Valen- utes later, he will ask me if I’m ready and I’ll ask for
the credits and that doesn’t count for anything. tine’s Day adventures, Pastor Pete began to wave fran- another five minutes.
When there were three minutes left in the game, I tically which I took as an indication that the game still That’s my version of reviewing the play. Ten min-
casually mentioned to Pastor Pete that it was Valen- wasn’t over. As I tried to talk to Pastor Pete, he mum- utes later when he’s standing at the door with his keys
tine’s Day and asked if he had any plans. He waved his bled, “Not now, there are only two minutes left.” Two in his hands, I’ll tell him “give me another 2 minutes.”
arms to let me know that I was standing in front of the minutes?! His internal clock has things totally wrong. Overtime! Things really won’t get serious until he is in
TV. There were only minutes left, so I decided to wait. That meant that it took 12 minutes to play one minute. the car with the motor running. After all, I’m on “foot-
Three minutes later, I repeated the question but was It was time to put my limited math skills to work. ball time.”

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