Costco is my kingdom and I am the queen


Dear Canyon Lake Readers,Very few people realize it but I have an admission to make . . . I am a “Costco Cook.”

Pat Van Dyke Columnist, The Friday Flyer

Pat Van Dyke
Columnist, The Friday Flyer

I’m not employed by Costco; I cook their food at home. If Costco can make it, I can heat it up. My microwave and Costco are best friends!

My secret: take it out of the Costco container and place it in a baking pan (etc.) of your own and instantly your family thinks that you are the greatest.

And if you go to potluck? Chinese Chicken Salad becomes homemade; just add lettuce and stir. Lasagna fits right into a 9 by 13-inch baking dish after you cut off a bit of the sides. And who’s to turn down your homemade cheese cake? (You did put it on another plate in your “home.”)

Costco is my kingdom and I’m the queen! Just walking into the door gives me power. Now that I’ve moved up from a Gold Star Member to an Executive Member, I get so much more respect . . . Actually, I don’t, but at least the Costco worker who runs around with a scanner to tell me why I should be an Executive Member no longer bothers me. I do miss the attention.

I have come to view Costco as my “home away from home.” If I ever need to take refuge from a tsunami that is scheduled to hit Canyon Lake, I would rush to Costco, close those huge doors, bunker down, and prepare to spend the next several weeks lounging on their patio sets, sleeping on their mattresses, watching their TVs, eating all of their food, wearing all their clothes, and racing around the store on their bicycles.

Costco has everything you need for survival. Where else would you find three pallets of each size of diapers from newborn to adult?

Who doesn’t love the demonstration ladies? They offer you little tempting tidbits of food to which your taste buds immediately say “I want more.” It reminds me of trying to eat just one Ritz cracker. Impossible!

This causes you to purchase a huge amount of anything they are pushing so that you now have a supply for the next three years. However, I do question the need for a person pushing toilet paper.  With my luck, that’s the job I would get!

I know so well about “Costco overload.” My mother was a Costco fan and I inherited much of her “overload.” Take for example Q-Tips. I inherited a truckload of Q-Tips that will last my entire life, my daughter’s life and well into my grandson’s senior citizen years. I’m not going to even mention the boxes of plastic forks and Styrofoam cups!

I do have to admit that the food court is the most tempting part of Costco. Who can walk by an opportunity to purchases a hot dog and soda for $1.50. The price of that entree has not changed since 1985 when Costco first opened their “hot dog cart.” However, Pastor Pete does not view their menu selection quite the same.

A few months ago, we were in the OC doing a couple of “pastoral calls.” It hit the noon hour and Pastor Pete suggested, “I know where there’s a Costco in this area so why don’t we stop there for lunch.”

While we were walking in the parking lot, my mind was thinking “hot dog or pizza?” As I veered off toward the food court, Pastor Pete was getting his Costco card out of his wallet and walking into the warehouse. I yelled, “It’s over here,” to which he replied, “We’re eating in the warehouse. It’s Saturday and they always have free samples. It’s a free buffet!”

For some strange reason, I have a feeling that in two years Costco might have a leading role when Pastor Pete and I go out for dinner together to celebrate our 50th anniversary!

Until next time, I remain Pat, the Prolific, Part-Time Philosopher